By Mark Symmonds

Founding Head of Pre-Prep, Rugby School Hanoi

📍 Hanoi, Vietnam

📅 Published: September 2026

⏱  4 minute read

When children begin school, we often focus on whether they are ready.

Can they communicate their needs? Manage small routines? Join in with other children? Cope with an unfamiliar environment?

These are important questions. But the first few weeks of opening a new Pre-Prep have reinforced something equally important: children are not the only people navigating a transition.

Before the children arrived, our staff had spent time preparing for those first days. We had talked through routines, practised how we would welcome children, considered how we would respond when a child was upset and planned how we would communicate with families.

Yet, standing at the gate, a parent cannot see that preparation. They do not yet know the care behind the routines, the conversations that have taken place or the experience of the adults receiving their child. They are simply being asked to trust us with someone they love deeply.

That is why a school’s responsibility is not simply to help children settle. It is also to help parents feel that their child is known, safe and understood.

For many parents, particularly those sending a first child to school, this can be an enourmous emotional step. They are placing someone precious, often still very young who is still learning how to communicate their needs, in the care of adults they are only beginning to know. Even when families are excited, the first goodbye can carry real uncertainty.

A school’s responsibility, therefore, is not simply to help children settle. It is to help parents feel that their child is known, safe and understood.

A positive transition starts before a child enters the classroom.

Families need clear, practical information about routines, key adults, meals, collection arrangements and what to bring. But they also need a sense of what the experience will feel like. Meeting staff, seeing learning spaces and knowing what to expect at the gate can turn an unknown experience into a manageable one.

Parents do not need every uncertainty answered in advance. They need enough clarity to know what the first day will look like, who will care for their child and where to turn if they are worried.

For young children and their families, the first few minutes of the day matter greatly.

A warm welcome, a familiar face and a staff member who knows a child’s name can help a parent leave with greater reassurance. So can small, thoughtful communication: a brief update that a child has settled, a photograph of them engaged in play, or a conversation at collection that shows their teacher has noticed something specific about their day.

These moments are easy to underestimate. Yet they communicate a powerful message: your child matters here.

One of the hardest parts of transition can be the moment a parent leaves.

When a child is upset, every instinct may tell a parent to stay a little longer, return for one more hug or wait until the tears have stopped. Schools should meet that feeling with empathy. A distressed goodbye is difficult for parents too.

However, once a child has been warmly received by a trusted adult, a calm, loving and predictable goodbye is often more helpful than a long or uncertain departure. Lingering can unintentionally make the separation feel bigger, while returning after saying goodbye can make it harder for a child to understand what will happen next.

Staff can support families by agreeing a simple routine: a hug, a clear reassurance that the parent will return, and a confident handover to a familiar adult. The important thing is not to rush families or dismiss their feelings, but to help them communicate calm confidence.

Parents should also be encouraged not to tell untruths to their child such as I will be waiting outside, if they really are not. They should be honest with something like "You are safe and I will see you at pick up time."

At this moment, a gentle change of focus can make all the difference. A familiar adult inviting a child into a favourite activity or play with others often helps them move from the difficulty of goodbye into the rhythm of the day. A brief message from school once a child has settled can be enormously reassuring and can help parents feel able to repeat the same consistent routine the following day.

For some children, a small familiar comfort item can help bridge the move from home to school. A soft toy, comfort cloth or other well-loved object can offer reassurance at arrival, before being kept safely in a bag or cubby until it is needed again. 

For further parent guidance, the American Academy of Pediatrics’ advice on creating quick, consistent goodbye rituals and a study of toddlers behaviour when separated from their parents.

A tearful goodbye does not necessarily mean a child is not ready for school, nor does it mean that something has gone wrong. Many children settle quickly once they are engaged in a familiar activity, supported by a trusted adult or drawn into play with other children.

What matters is the pattern over time. Some children may continue to cry at drop-off for several weeks, particularly when they are very young or experiencing a major change. Tears alone are not necessarily a sign that a child is not coping.

Schools should become more concerned when a child remains extremely distressed for a long time after their parent has left, is unable to be comforted or engage with the day, shows little sign of gradual improvement, or begins to experience anxiety more widely. In these circumstances, staff and parents should talk openly and agree a more individual plan of support.

That plan may include a gradual move towards full days. Some children are ready to stay for the whole day from the beginning; others benefit from shorter sessions while they become familiar with new adults, routines and the demands of the school day.

The important thing is to avoid treating transition as a race. Half days should be purposeful, reviewed regularly and extended as the child shows growing confidence rather than becoming an open-ended arrangement. A shared plan gives families reassurance while keeping the focus on helping the child participate more fully over time.

For some parents, starting school brings more than understandable nerves. They may feel genuinely frightened about leaving their child: worried that they will not be comforted, that their needs will be missed, or that they will be upset for longer than staff realise.

Schools should not interpret this as overprotectiveness or a lack of trust. Often, it reflects the depth of a parent’s love, their previous experiences, or simply the enormity of being apart from their child for the first time.

The most helpful response is to listen without judgement and make the next step feel manageable. A short conversation before or after the school day can allow staff to understand a parent’s particular worries and explain clearly how the child will be supported. It can help to agree a simple transition plan: who will welcome the child, what activity they will begin with, when the parent can expect an update and who they should contact if they remain concerned.

A named, familiar adult can be especially reassuring. So can sharing something specific about the child’s day: not simply that they were 'fine', but that they enjoyed the water play, chose a book or laughed with a new friend.

The aim is not to promise that a child will never be upset. It is to help parents see that, if those feelings arise, their child will be met with calm, capable and caring support. Over time, that experience helps families move from fear towards trust.

Where a parent’s anxiety remains intense or begins to affect daily life, schools can sensitively encourage them to seek further support from an appropriate health professional.

There is no single right way for a child or parent to respond to starting school. Some families settle within days; for others, confidence builds more gradually over several weeks.

Schools rightly spend time considering children’s readiness and preparing staff for the first days. But parents’ readiness can be easier to overlook. They may be carrying questions and worries that are not always voiced especially when they are being asked to leave their child for the first time.

The support that makes a difference is often simple: a warm welcome at the door, a clear explanation of the day ahead, a familiar adult who knows the child’s name, or a brief message to say that they have settled. These are not extras. They are part of how a school builds trust.

Starting school is not simply a handover at the gate. It is the beginning of a partnership and when schools take care of that partnership from the first day, children are better placed to flourish.